Thursday, January 21, 2010

Reliably transport THIS!

The words "must have reliable transportation" have become the bane of my existence. Because what it really means is "must have vehicle available during work hours so you can run our bullshit errands and get us a latte! and don't spill it or get decaf!" This also weeds out anyone who, for whatever reason, relies on public transportation to get to/from work. Most of the time the people who rely on public transportation to get to/from work could also be classified as "underprivileged" or "disadvantaged" or, in street parlance "broker than a celibate ho".

I suppose you MIGHT get away with claiming that you use public transportation and eschew having a car because you are "green" if you look like an emaciated non-meat eating pseudo hippie who has enough sense to wear a business suit but still reeks gently of patchouli and sandalwood. But there are really VERY few people who can successfully pull THAT off. I am certainly not one of them.

There is no real hope for solving the transportation dilemma on the horizon. I am wondering if maybe I can convince an employer that a burro is "reliable transportation" AND an excellent source of fertilizer as I will need to leave it to graze on their lawn while I am slaving away at my job. I suppose I could also claim that it will cut their lawn maintenance costs. I mean, isn't that a GOOD thing? I will have to find employers with big lawns, though... cuz you don't want the grazing and pooping to create any ISSUES. (And do we really need any additional issues if we already have "grazing" and "pooping")?

Ok. So. Maybe a burro would be a hard sell. And there's the whole dilemma of having to find a burro in the first place. And convincing the landlord that it's really a sortve large, funny looking dog.

I thought that maybe a scooter would suffice and be all economical and suchlike BUT I think that most of the drivers where I live would just drive right over a scooter and barely notice that there was a "thwump" sound when they hit it. Bicycles fall under that same fear + they would guarantee I'd be sweaty and that is SO unattractive.

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