Some days I don't know about myself...

Major changes goin' on at the office this week. Promotions (not for me), people leaving (not me, yet), etc.

Biggest thing is that Tudie is taking another job within the company but NOT within our office. Yes, that's right, Tudie, my nemesis, will be GONE.

All of these changes mean... JOB OPENINGS.

And I'm not sure how to feel about that. Especially since they did interviewing today. About 12:30, bosslady tells me that if I am interested, I can apply via the company website. Why am I being told this today? The day that you are interviewing and hoping to make a decision? I applied for a different position 2 weeks ago and haven't heard a peep. I don't think that HR will even process my application by the time that the decision has been made. And I've already been through the humiliation of applying for a job (as a contractor who was seeking to be hired on by the company they were contracting with) and not getting it, so if it happens here, I will be no stranger to that whole dynamic.

No matter the outcome, I am both fascinated by and terrified by the prospect of seeing how the other newcomers will be treated. (Because of all of the changes, there are 3 openings). And exactly how do I handle it if they are welcomed and embraced (whilst I am still an outcast and can only imagine it will be worse if they don't offer me a position).

Paranoid Me then kicks in and thinks that they wanted me to apply so they could reject me and then terminate my contract early because it would be so awkward to have the temp who you had intimated in the interview might get hired on stick around when you passed them over for a position. I mean, logically, if you factor in human nature, wouldn't there be worry that I would try to sabotage the other newcomers out of spite over their having been hired whilst I was passed over?

The reality is that I KNOW that they wouldn't buy out my contract to hire me. I KNOW that. So do they keep me as a temp til the end of my contract and then pick me up as an employee? Knowing that none of the work I am doing as a temp will count towards my employee time and I will lose holiday pay and all of the other employee benefits? Knowing that I will be held to the standards of an employee, not a temp (required to work overtime and weekends, for example)?

And honestly, after the way I've been treated so far, do I HONESTLY want to work for this company in this department anyway? Honestly? The honest answer is "NO". But it is counterbalanced by the fact that I wouldn't have to struggle through interviews anymore.

So, it was with a "better the Devil you know" mindset that I submitted a damn application. Even though I'm pretty sure I don't have a snowball's chance in Hell.

And I am soooo (she said sarcastically) looking forward to having to submit to another drug & alcohol test.

I'm pretty sure that either outcome will be a disappointment (getting an offer/not getting an offer).

Can I just win the lottery now?