Strange (but fitting) analogy

I was telling someone that I feel like a piece of over-ripe fruit at the farmer's market. I know I was good once but now feel like I'm just not something anyone wants.  I'm trying not to "go down the rabbit hole" into depression but in light of how things have gone lately, I am at the point where I find myself not even afforded the smallest bits of human decency.  Cast aside for younger versions who have less experience but are shiny, new, moldable minds and bodies.

I'm trying to figure out what to do if there is truly nothing left for me. If I am obsolete, to be kicked to the curb to make room for a fresh, new model then what becomes of me?

I suddenly have sympathy for old toasters...

Purpose vs. Paycheck

A week and a half ago, I was laid off.  It feels, quite frankly, like much, much longer than that.  I keep applying, talking to people on the phone, hoping that I am doing everything that needs to be done. I keep wondering if I am EVER going to find a job or just keep on interviewing and interviewing.  It seems that there is always someone out there who is just a LITTLE BIT better than I am and they get the job.

Tomorrow I have some projects to get done.I think Thursday will be the day I run my post office errands. And then it will be Friday again.  It seems like just yesterday I was toasting my new job with friends and now I am worrying anew about whether I'm going to find new employment soon.

I have not yet interviewed for a job that's made me feel that really enthusiastic.  I've not even found anything to apply for that makes me feel enthusiastic.  Maybe that's a side effect of having wanted this last job so much and having had it turn out to be somewhat a nightmare.

I need to think of ways to do something that will give my life some purpose while still bringing in money.

Anticipated Reset...*sigh

As I had feared, I got a call from bossdude today, letting me know I was being laid-off.  I am not surprised, but I am disappointed.  Especially since I do not think this is what bosslady wants.

I am upset that he handled it. I'm HER assistant and she should get to say when things end. But, alas, I fear that my feeling that he was just humoring her and that he wants to force her onto the mommy track are true.  Woe betide any child that comes into this world under those circumstances.

And so... I march resolutely back to Square One... to start over again.

Not a great start to the year...

I've not heard from bosslady in over a week. I was contacted last week by the Unemployment Office about my "recent unemployment"...  I am assuming, at this point, that the Unemployment Office knows what they are talking about and that I likely don't have a job anymore.  To say I am deeply disappointed if this is how this ends is an understatement.

As it is, I've gotten virtually no hour the past couple of weeks but I can't quit because then I will be ineligible for Unemployment, which is a tiny sum, but it's something.

Meanwhile, I HAVE been proactively seeking work. It's slow going, though, and I'm starting to panic.

So... I am getting ready to reset the clock and march back to Square One.

Can I get a 'do over' on this year so far?

Exercising Options

I am still getting nowhere near enough hours with my present job. In fact, I have now been waiting seven days for some information to complete a project.  I have sent emails (as this is currently my only way to reach my employer) and have been told that the request will be attended to and then... it is not.

I can't wait around hoping that things will change.  I'm not going to let someone tell me that I am the problem because I've been very communicative and available and it's done not one bit of good.

I think the issue is that bosslady wanted an assistant and bossdude did not feel it necessary, but hired someone to make bosslady happy.  Bossdude has been consistently rude and dismissive.  Also, if they wanted someone to perform manual/physical labour, they should have specified that in their advert, which they did not.  I don't do heavy lifting, I never said that I would and have no intention of doing so... and if that is what costs me my job, so be it... at least I won't have a herniated disc in my back.

Also, there were several tasks at the S office that needed to be done.  I spent a couple of hours on a Saturday taking pages of notes of instructions.  Part of it involved going back to the S office to pack things up, etc. Well... I found out that Dragon Lady Office Manager was told to do all of the tasks I had been instructed to do.  I offered to share the bosslady's explicit instructions with Dragon Lady and she was totally uninterested.  So, yeah...  I think it's time to admit to myself that this really isn't working and do what I need to do.

It's really too bad, too. This really had a lot of potential.  I'm not quitting, I am just going to look for another job and if this one comes up with some hours, great... if not, I won't be looking to sell my kidney on the black market to pay the bills.

Manic Monday

I have an interview scheduled for this afternoon (Monday). I am a little freaked out by that.  It's not that I am not happy with my current job, it's more a matter of the current job not providing enough hours and my being a workaholic.  And current job not understanding quite where my skills lie. But I am learning a metric fuckton (it's a legal term... the attorney I worked for used it all the time) of new things.  Anyhoo, it's just up the road from current bosslady's house and I think it would be a nice, solid, stable income to rely upon that I could supplement my current income with and still not work more than 65 hours a week. Which I know sounds horrible if you work a 40 hour week on the regular and want nothing to do with working more hours but for me, at this point, I NEED that income.

Why, you ask? Well, I am getting ready to sign yet another year's lease at the place I am currently living. Which is, for lack of a more politically correct terminology, the ghetto.  I need to get out of here. I would like to be able to, at some point, afford my own car.  I need to start digging myself out of debt.  Annnnd, I thought I had an expense ending in November that ends up will be dragging out until July.  Sigh.  So, working 2 jobs is sortve necessary and having something with a reliable paycheck will be nice. Plus, it's hedging my bets on what the current bosslady's real plans are.  I know that sounds pessimistic, but it is actually just realistic.

So, there you have it... I'm interviewing. It's a little scary.  We'll see what happens.

Is it in the stars?

I am not one who lives by my horoscope.  I think that horoscopes are interesting and entertaining but I don't plan my life according to my horoscope... However... today's horoscope says:

"Your current interactions with others are the source of both good news and bad news now. The good news is that opportunity comes knocking at your door. The bad news, however, is that you might be so entrenched with what you are doing that you don't stop to let it in. Opportunity won't just stand there waiting forever, so jump up and embrace it joyfully while you have the chance."

And, well... here's the thing. I do like (most of) my new job.  But it isn't providing nearly the hours I would like and then today I got a call from an agency who has a contract job for, well, LOTS OF MONEY.  And I told them to go ahead and submit my resume.

Now, I am not someone who is totally governed by the Almighty Dollar.  That being said, I DO have bills to pay and things have been really, really tight since I lost my job in July so the opportunity to (FINALLY) make some good money is very attractive.  Plus, it's another MAJOR corporation name for my resume and it will help me when I need to do salary negotiations next.

What will it mean for my current job? Well, to be honest, I am not sure. *I* happen to think I could do both because I am not pulling anywhere near full-time hours with my current job.  Plus, to be honest, I am having a great deal of doubt about whether the boss looks at it as a long-term relationship or if I am disposable and there are reasons I am feeling that I am, perhaps, disposable.

So, I had already determined that I was going to allow myself to be open to the possibilities that are out there and then this big money opportunity comes along... And maybe horoscopes are a bunch of hooey, but it does make me wonder what's in the stars...